A quiet longing.November 20th, 2009

I may be walking, but I’m still stuck on the edge of the past, I yearn for optimism and smile each day, but I carry a weight with me that breaks my back and bones from time to time.

I’m caught between the beauty of the dark and the beauty of the light, I walk the days and long for nights, I despise the past and I learn from it. I’m a prisoner in the ocean of time.

A quiet longing fills my soul, aiming to calm the voices, making me do all the things I need to do and all the things I want to do and interprete things the right way and not be sad and not drown in everyday’s life and be hardworking and satisfied and unlonely with myself and realize all my ideas and still be not empty but full of fresh inspiration and eat and drink regularly and see my friends and be honest and polite and grateful and not judge others by means of their interests and be healthy and live in a nice apartment and see the ocean once and again to regain power and read good books like I want to but am never able to due to lack of motivation since everything I start will fall into pieces and not be perfect enough and will need enhancement, but I need to stop thinking that and at the end of the day I would find myself being satisfied with what I’ve done and be looking forward to the next day and be challenged and use all my power and walk in the sun and breathe in the cold, frosty air and let thoughts drift away and back and put my freezing hands into my pockets and walk for a mile and not be sad or underchallenged but attentive and interested and willing to gain knowledge and view and thoughts and opinions and happy feelings and rest for the everthinking, everdoubting mind that sits right in your head and controls what you’re up to and what not and lets you despair every now and then…

And get up in the mornings, feel relaxed, open the curtains and look into a bright sun, the rays warming your face and filling your heart with love for every piece of life, only that moment, and filling your room with happiness and life and warmth from which you will take strength through the long, exhausting days of work and duties and you will forget for that moment in a day what it means to be human and what that is like.

imagepostNovember 20th, 2009 imagetime00:04

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