And again I don’t know how to be and what to want. I reckon it’s when you miss something very important in your life that you start to let your thoughts drift freely.
I have to admit it: I get addicted. To things. To people. Yeah, to people of course. I’ve lost many of them. Known many of them. Different kinds. Seen different kinds of places, realized they were right at once then wrong at second glance, that’s how it has always been, things turned out more difficult than I’d thought, and sometimes I’m so losing the will to fight. Like now again. I seem to know who I am when suddenly something else gets inbetween that makes the world turn, my world turn.
This is really unfair.
I thought of it today, I don’t want any more drama in my life. I’ve had enough of it. Why can’t people see that, why?
Why can’t people see I’m afraid as well? But I got a second chance, and I’m not going to ruin it, and if this means me ending up alone, so it be. Even if it’s not the choice I make. If I were to choose, I chose being surrounded, being held, being taught knowledge, I would be the one that goes for life, not against it. I’d always choose that way.
October 15th, 2008 
23:51