All this effort we make, it has to be good for something, in the end, right? So that we can see the turning point. Or any point at all. I’m waiting for all those things to end, no matter what, even the time until the bus arrives, I’m waiting for it to end. I can’t influence things, I know that, but is it normal doing all this waiting? Actually, my life hasn’t proven itself so far. It’s okay. I can live with that. Can I ? I’ve done it before. Humans are adaptable. So tough, no, more than that, dilative. Is this the reason I’m so tired all evenings? Because I’m dilated from one finger to the other on the other hand? Yeah, actually that’s exactly how I feel. Tired, very tired all the time and slow inside. And I HATE explanations. I HATE to explain myself. Why are people always asking, asking stuff all the time, curiously — I think I can’t even be silent without having anyone to ask what’s going on. Guys, nothing’s going on, okay? And please stop asking, please stop judging, please stop looking, stop every damn thing. And a word to myself: Stop being another you. Sarcastic word back from my other self: Yeah, good idea, I’ve never come to that. Good you reminded me in time. Ha ha.
People I like are people who don’t ask. They just don’t. Because they know. And even if they don’t, they don’t feel the urge to force any convenient truth out of you. Especially those looks kill you. I like people without those looks. Instead, I’d like people with a smile and a nice word. Any stupid word, like “want a tea?” or “you look good today” or “sit back, I’ll take over from here”. Oh yeah…
November 28th, 2006 
23:52
Stop thinking about such things ad finitum and go back to focussing on life. If you’re tired this is because of the things you do. Perhaps they’re just not “it”. Or you’re just not willing to commit to them and “jump into your life and start building it your way”.
And most of the people are no visionarys – so they ask. Life’s all about communication. In order to communicate people have to talk – otherwhise everything ends up in war and hate.
You just have to develop some sort of filter to sort out the unimporant garbage.
As a friend of mine once said: Keep smiling!
Sometimes I guess this is not only an empty phrase but the only working attitude towards life.
Keep up the good writing – see ya soon!
Think about it.
I’m tired of all the stones lying across my path. Sometimes it’s so hard to jump right over.
This keeps coming back and back again.
doesn’t mean I’m giving up so easily. or ever.
Commitment is not always a matter of “don’t want to” but more likely of “can’t do” (as an “can’t reach this high”).
You’re right. Currently I’m thinking of: leaving, going somewhere, some place else out of country (eg. London?)and returning with fresh new power to lift me through the rest. Like Super Mario’s “Power Up”.
Personal DNA told me to set my expectations lower and concentrate on really important things. They got me where it hurts ^^
I will think about what you said, wise brother 🙂 It’s always good to have you.
See you on Dec 15th 🙂
Currently it looks as if Mareike and Meike will be coming, too.