These days, I’m influenced by the upcoming month of May, where everyone seems to have found his or her luck. Who defines properly how we are supposed to feel? It’s the others. It’s our surrounding. How can we feel happy when everything around us disappears in a slow, but noticable motion, just fades without asking if we were wanting to hold. We always want to hold – the past, the people, the moments we shared with them. It’s not easy to forget such important things like love – or some sort of it. We never know what it was that made someone let go, we’ll never find out what it actually was that made things break in two. But we will always feel this pain, on some days more than ever, we will feel it when we curse the world, we will feel it when we see what we don’t have but need to survive – the pain will always stay steady in our minds.
Who defines how our lives are going? It’s not us. It can’t be. All the time we seem to search for someone or something, we grab what’s close, we let it go, we despair, we become regardless to the everyday life. Sometimes it’s not worth it to move on, and also it’s impossible to change the situation. Let there stay hope. Hope that we will be happy one day. Hope that we find our path through the dark forest. Hope that we can consist, no matter how strong the storm lashes against our coasts.
Sometimes you can’t do anything. Just sit and wait or swim and drown. Just look into the sun in the clear blue sky.
You were right, and I don’t wanna be here.
April 26th, 2005 
17:37